F.A.S.T.E.R.

Fall.  Acclimate.  Self-examination.  Try again.  Enjoy!  Repeat.

A place to parse out my thoughts as I try to do better, occasionally fall down, and get up and try again!

(All content and photos are mine.  Please do not use without permission.  Thanks!)

'16 going on '17

Earlier today I went on my final run of the year.  I always find that my long runs are good times for thinking.  Especially outdoor runs.  I tried to think of what I wanted to do in 2017.  I know that New Year Resolutions are not necessary, but I do think that the start of a new year is a good time to reflect on your direction and set some goals.  Most of us have just been visiting family, had parties with coworkers and friends, and started tying up financials.  Basically for the last few months, we've had a recap of who and what is in our lives and how things are looking.  It's a good time to reflect and make change if we feel there's something that needs changing.

Remember a year ago when theatre used to be fun?  When you'd get there early so you could goof around with your buddies before getting ready?  Was it a  year ago?  Two?

Remember a year ago when theatre used to be fun?  When you'd get there early so you could goof around with your buddies before getting ready?  Was it a  year ago?  Two?

For a while, I didn't have a strong goal.  I tried to think of something as I ran.  Was there something I wanted badly to accomplish fitness wise?  Career wise?  Artistically?  Financially?  Only nebulous and vague wants floated back to me.  I also called to mind a conversation I had with a friend over lunch.  She was leaving her job, I was considering a break from theatre.  We talked a lot about how these things become tied to our identity of self whether they continue to make us happy or not.  It was a good conversation and it was nice to have it and feel safe having it.

My goal hit me near the end of my run.  2017.  Strive less.

For the past few years, there have been injuries to overcome, financials to balance, debt to reconcile, certifications to acquire and then I followed that with goals, goals, goals, MUST have shows lined up back to back, ALWAYS have something to be working on.  FORWARD!  MOVE!  

From an 8th grade yearbook talent competition photo.  There was a time in my life where I couldn't imagine not playing piano every day.  I can't remember the last time I played.  I have a full sized keyboard in my office with sustain pedal.

From an 8th grade yearbook talent competition photo.  There was a time in my life where I couldn't imagine not playing piano every day.  I can't remember the last time I played.  I have a full sized keyboard in my office with sustain pedal.

Somewhere in there, I got tired.  There was nothing beyond the 'should' and the 'have to or else.'  I lost a spark and the joy.  This year, I'm going to see if it comes back.  I'm going to take some classes just for the sake of learning, without a particular goal or objective in mind.  (For example - "I have to take improv, my agent says I need more of it on my resume."  Not this year.)  I'm going to see if I can find that joy in theatre that drew me here in the first place.  I'm going to check out some new fitness classes.  As a student.  Not just 'I'm going to head to this cycling class and see if there's something new I can use to teach myself.'  I'm going to experience classes because I want to enjoy them.

I'm going to connect with my friends and family more.  The friends who ask me to hang out, who keep saying 'we should get coffee!'  I'm going to spend less time chasing the friends who continually don't make space for me just because we used to be close.

I'm going to go to some museums.  See some art.  Maybe make some art.  I used to paint.  I used to play piano.  I'm going to read books that make me want to stay up late to keep reading.  Maybe I'll write a little too.  I used to enjoy writing stories.

Journal that I recieved for Christmas.

Journal that I recieved for Christmas.

I started a Bullet Journal today.  Well, it will start tomorrow, but I set it up today.  I read an article about it and it seemed like a fantastic idea.  I was inspired by a little journal I got for Christmas.  And an article that I happened to read in a magazine a few days later.  It seemed right.

I seem to have survived the past few years.  I'm going to try and enjoy the next one.