Dean and I have always switched off which holiday we celebrate with which family. One year Christmas will be with my family, Thanksgiving with his, the following year will be reversed. This is how we’ve done it every year for the better part of a decade.

We had just decorated the tree behind us for the first time together.

This year is obviously different. Conversations surrounding the holidays have gotten more serious and stressful the farther into November we go. Should we even go, considering I have to work in public? Does it matter how careful I am? If we do go, will everyone over there behave? Can they all commit to two weeks of just necessary trips? Are we stupid to be even contemplating this?

At the same time, depending on which place I’m working at, I’m being told to get more people into my classes, to spend more time in the gym networking, to find ways to increase membership, etc. It’s like I’m living in two different worlds: one in which the pandemic is real and a threat to me and those that I love, and one in which it’s an annoying inconvenience to be maneuvered around whenever possible.

I have been taking every precaution possible. Even though in Tennessee, we’re allowed to remove our masks in fitness centers once we are socially distant and exercising, I keep mine on the entire time I’m in the gym. My hands are constantly dry from washing and sanitizing. I continually wipe down surfaces before and after I touch them. I’m doing everything possible.

The year I made my mom’s cookie recipe at Dean’s parents’ for Christmas.

Even so, we’re paring down our holiday this year. My parents have been in a ‘pod’ with us since the early days of the pandemic, but we did check with them to make sure they still wanted us to come for Thanksgiving with cases rising. Dean leaves the house only to go to the store, and I only go to work (which is enough).

We haven’t seen Dean’s family at all. They live further away. Conversations around Christmas are on-going. The consensus is that we will drive, rather than fly, and all of us will do our best to go no where other than work for two weeks leading up to our (very short) visit. We are also all still open to things changing depending on how cases progress after Thanksgiving. Everyone wants to see everyone, but we want to be safe.

I work at several fitness centers. One in particular sent out a notice that there would be a mandatory meeting/holiday party on December 20th. If we were unable to go, we were told to email the owner directly with our reasons. I talked to Dean about it. Should I lie and say I was already going to be out of town and just lose the income for the classes I would have taught the three days I’d still be there? I genuinely like working at the place, but I have attended these meetings before. Although (most) everyone was masked, we all sat clumped together in a semi-circle on the floor like it was 2019. Food was served buffet style along with an ice chest of drinks. This may have been relatively low risk in September when COVID numbers were down, but with numbers at their worst yet, and right before the holidays, it seems incredibly risky. I decided to tell the truth. The truth is always the best.

I took about an hour to compose my email. In it, I explained that I was aware that many things could change in the next month, but right now, I was planning on traveling three days after this gathering. I explained that my husband’s parents were in a high risk category and we had all agreed that we would only go to work and the store, fully masked and carefully sanitized, for the two weeks leading up to the visit. I explained that this meant avoiding parties where groups of people would be unmasked, indoors, eating and drinking.

I offered to attend a portion of the event, if there were going to be a socially distanced, masked meeting beforehand, and then leave before the festivities. I also offered to keep this dialogue open. Travel may end up not being an option. Perhaps we’d get a vaccine by then (we won’t). I explained that I normally love all holiday related festivities and participate fully in as many as possible. I reiterated that I enjoyed teaching there and that I looked forward to a time when this was all behind us.

I received a very short reply, reminding me that these meetings were mandatory and for me to miss any in the future, the situation “would have to be pretty extreme to allow.”

Doing acro-yoga with a student in the Before Times. I cannot wait until we can be hands on again. I really do love teaching.

Disappointed doesn’t cover my feelings, but it’s as good a start as any.

As of Thursday, Nashville has restricted indoor gatherings to eight people, whether public or private, so perhaps this meeting will be canceled. But to feel that the people I work for don’t care about my safety, or my family’s, during a worldwide pandemic is a gut punch.

I understand that businesses are failing all over. I understand that some of the ‘bring members in now’ is a panic reaction to the red in the ledger. I understand that I should be happy to still be working in my industry. (Or maybe bummed that I’m not affluent enough to take the rest of the year off?)

This is not an event that will make money or keep the doors open. I do realize that comradery and a sense of community is important, but I don’t believe this is the way to generate it.

If this year has done anything, it’s shown a lot of us where we stand with those in higher places.

I’ve said it before and I’ll said it again; discomfort causes change.

Two Different Worlds: Employment v. Exposure