I’m more fortunate than many. I have retirement savings and a husband with a ‘normal’ job.

This week, I received several e-mails about what various businesses and workplaces were doing about containing the Coronavirus. I was also instructed to send one of my own to the members of the fitness center that I manage part time. As part of that, I was instructed to order a hand sanitizing station, which I did. We had wipes for all of the equipment, but no sanitizing station as we are a small facility.

I’ve been having trouble hiring a housekeeper for the gym, which has made complying with the once an hour wipe-down of all of the equipment challenging. Nashville is also still recovering from a devastating tornado, so many people have been utilizing the fitness center more frequently for showers, although this is starting to level out as folks get their power back. We have had a few new members join who’s previous gyms were destroyed. As a manager, I’m required to offer at least one fitness event per month. Increasing membership is priority, as our center hasn’t hit our goal yet, so building-wide events to gain visibility are preferred. The building has currently suspended the hosting of all such events.

A few months ago, I was hired on to lead a group as a personal trainer for Vanderbilt University. This job has also been suspended. As we would be training small groups, this would mean bringing folks together, which is currently frowned upon. I had been holding certain spots in my schedule open for these training sessions, so this is disappointing.

I’ve received messages from just about every company that I contract from giving tips on personal hygiene and safety. In addition to washing one’s hands and avoiding touching one’s face, they always advocate staying home if you think that you’re sick. I chuckle at that one. Most fitness professionals ‘contract’ out to teach classes which they hold for sometimes years at a time. Less than one percent of these companies allow their certified instructors to accrue sick or vacation time. In fact, it’s much more common to have instructors penalized for calling out too often. And last minute cancellations are highly frowned upon.

I understand this to an extent. There are flakes in the fitness world, just like anywhere else, and these kinds of measures keep consistency in the schedule and prevent people from taking off willy nilly. The funny thing is, your best, most conscientious instructors, will often just come in under the weather and power through to avoid disappointing their members or the risk of losing their classes. Also, who’s going to pay for that doctor bill if you miss a week of work and thus a week of pay?

Sunset over a residence where I was teaching a class once a week. I gave it up recently for a higher paying class at a gym. I hope it stays open.

This morning I woke up at 4am to go to my first job. I checked my phone and saw an email from the corporation that runs the fitness center that I manage. They notified us of building closures in Chicago, one for precautionary reasons, the other because a tenant had contracted the virus. They detailed plans to continue to pay us our base salary as managers in the event that our buildings were closed. These plans came with many contingencies and our salaries were not guaranteed. If we were being paid, we were expected to provide clients with at home workouts and continue to do what we were able from remote locations. As a part time manager, I have no paid time off and no benefits. I am salary, so I do not get overtime if I work extra hours, I am required to take holidays off, but I am not paid for them. I am fully prepared to receive no benefits in the event that my building closes. But I am more fortunate than many.

My husband works a ‘normal’ office job, so in the event of a quarantine, at least one of us will have money coming in. I am also on his health insurance, so that if I do get sick, I have access to care. I may need to fight for it (like I’m fighting the $300 bill for visiting an in-network clinic when I had gastroenteritis) but at least I’ll have a leg to stand on. As I’ve been aware for decades that I’m not following a standard path, I have been saving for my own retirement, so I do have some savings in the event that I make absolutely nothing for a while. Provided it isn’t too awfully long. I am much more fortunate than many of my fitness/artist peers.

Today, after work, I ran a few errands (taxes, returns to Amazon from the move, et cetera) and also swung by the grocery store and grabbed a few non-perishables. Things that we’d eat anyway; whole wheat pasta, cans of chickpeas, quinoa, ramen for Dean, chicken for Jake and Dean that went straight into the freezer. Once I logged onto the computer, I discovered I could not bring on the new housekeeper I had found because she had been convicted of a felony two years ago. Dammit. I was also informed that the composting workshop that Dean and I had signed up for with a friend was cancelled until further notice. In the same inbox was a notification of a discussion among the writers in my writers group, trying to determine if we should risk meeting this Sunday, or if we should bring the meeting online in some way. The decision was made to meet online. Yes, I am paying more attention to washing my hands and how often I touch my face, but beyond these things, I just don’t have it in me.

Perhaps I should be more concerned, but I think that I’m just tired. It’s been one thing after another and all I can muster is a continual roll with the punches. Perhaps I should be worried about money. This is going to cause many people who work non-traditional jobs to go into debt. (I mean, under the current tax law, we can’t even write off certifications that are mandated by our employers.) Perhaps I should be worried about getting sick. Perhaps I should be worried about the economy tanking. I can’t. I’m all worried out. I have no more worries to give.

It is my personal feeling that this entire issue has been mishandled. I wish I could say that we would learn from it, but I don’t have that much confidence in that. I just hope we all make it to the other side. In the meantime …

Be kind when you can, we’re all in this together, most of us. Find hope where you’re able, it’s easier to be hopeless, but less productive and more painful. Be creative as hell, because we’re all going to have to get creative if things continue where they’re going. The creators are going to be the most affected, but the most needed, I think.

But perhaps I’ll be wrong about how everything is going to go. And I would be fine with that.

Staring down a pandemic without much to lean on.