I know that there are many people out there who are older and wiser than I am and who will laugh at the idea that I’ve got insight on this. Rest assured, my friend, I know it gets better/worse/uglier. But I am older than I’ve ever been and I have thoughts to share. It also might be fun to look back in ten, twenty years (fingers crossed I make it that far!) and see what my thoughts were ‘back in the twenny ‘teens’.

I like to leave my entries on a good note if possible, so, contrary to my catchy title, I’m going to start with the bad, take you through the ugly and then end with the good.

The Bad:

Recovery takes longer. For everything. Got a bad knot in your back? Think it will be gone tomorrow? The next day? Maybe a couple of days? Try a week! And that’s only if you work at it and find the other things that the knot is connected to (how is rolling out my hip affecting my shoulder!) and work at those too. You also may get injured more frequently if you don’t start stretching and rolling out before/after a workout. Even if you managed to skip those things in your salad days. Also you might need Advil.

This half marathon was painful the entire time. They weren’t expecting the cold we got and there was no where to warm up. We spent an hour before the race just shivering. This is the longest recovery I’ve had since I ran a marathon with no training … — This half marathon was painful the entire time. They weren’t expecting the cold we got and there was no where to warm up. We spent an hour before the race just shivering. This is the longest recovery I’ve had since I ran a marathon with no training back in 2013.

Run a hard race? Think you’ll be bouncing around the next day? Maybe when you were thirty five. Try sleep/hobble around the next day. Honestly, I used to think recovery was all about putting in the training and nutrition before the event and doing some self care immediately afterward. (And whiskey.) And it is. That stuff still very much counts. But you’ll find that you actually need the recommended days of recovery (and maybe one or two more) even if you never felt that way before. It will pay off to listen to your body in these instances rather than try and push through because ‘this is what you always did before.’ Your body was never this old before, give it a break. (That doesn’t mean sitting on the couch eating bon bons. See next point.)

You need to eat way healthier for the same results. I practice more healthy living rituals than ever before. I am not wearing smaller jeans. I’m wearing the same jeans. Which is a win in its own right. If I do indulge, I feel it much quicker than I did ten years ago. I’m not talking about going on a raging bender and staying up until sunrise. That would require days of recovery. I’m talking about having a bunch of Oreos, some pizza and wine and staying up until 2am. No. I cannot. The next day will be horrible and my skin will suffer. And my sleep. And let's not talk about digestion. This will take days to shed fully. If you’ve fallen out of shape due to a slow workout decline after college and have been telling yourself for years that you’re going to ‘get back into it’, do yourself a favor and get it done before your late 30s. (Not that it’s ever too late, it just gets more and more difficult.)

You’re gonna hafta start rolling out things that you never knew could be rolled out.

You have to start getting extra medical procedures done. And suddenly, you’re in the realm of ‘not too young for that.’ I’ve had fantastic dentist visits for most of my life. Aside from one cavity that I had in second grade. Never had braces, born without wisdom teeth, etc. My last dentist visit traumatized me so much that I didn’t call them back for three weeks. I had to get an inlay (that one cavity being refilled over and over and over had taken a toll on the tooth) and I was chipping my teeth from grinding them in my sleep. They showed me the stress fractures! And they wanted me to get this special expensive deep clean because of my tight contacts. You get the idea. I felt like that proverbial gift horse. I also got my first mammogram done and (fun surprise!) had to have my first biopsy right afterward. Colonoscopy is around the corner. You’re driving an older model now and it takes extra upkeep.

Speaking of which, your eyes start to change. If you’re nearsighted (like me) you may make it to 45 without needing reading glasses, but you’ll start to notice. Currently, I’m still good, but if I am very tired, very stressed, or in very bad light, I will have moments where I accidentally bring something too close to my face to read it. The first couple of times it happened, it was very disconcerting.

The Ugly:

Fat deposits. Yep. As you age, you lose muscle and gain fat. You can fight this to an extent, and I do, but your body composition will change and much of it is inevitable. I remember noticing that I had skin pooching out around my sports bra under my arms for the first time. I freaked out. Had that always been there? Had I not noticed? I did some Googling, as ya do, and yeah, that area is one area on women where the skin will lose elasticity and fat will collect. I started doing 25 push-ups a day and added lat pull-downs and rows to my workouts and things are better. But you’re eventually going to lose that effortless tautness that youth provided. And everyone’s different. You might get your deposits somewhere else.

Your hair changes color. I’m only putting this in this category because it bothers most people and societally women are expected to dye their hair way past when it begins to change. (Fortunately, this attitude is starting to change, my mom’s hair is a beautiful shade of silver that I’ll be lucky if I inherit.) Personally, I’m fortunate not to have to make this choice yet. I only have one gray hair that I got sometime this year and I actually kind of got excited when I found it. Maybe I’ll feel differently when there are more, but I’ve always said that I was going to enjoy my brown while I had it and play with fun colors like blue and purple after my hair went gray. Since I have no color upkeep, I only have to get my hair cut once every six to nine months, which is definitely cheaper. But yes, eventually it’ll happen. And that’ll be another expense. If I decide to color it.

Less hair where you want it, more hair where you don’t. I can’t put my finger on it. I still have a nice thick, healthy crop of hair, but my hairline is different somehow. I’ve always had a widow’s peak and I still have a pretty small forehead. It just seems different. And there’s definitely darker hair where there wasn’t any/as much before.

Know where you’re not stinky? In a chlorinated pool.

You start stinking more. This one. THIS one pissed me off. Everything else was manageable. Then one day I noticed a jacket that I always throw on at work was smelling funky. Threw it in the wash, figured I had more time before I washed it again. No… it started smelling funky again shortly after! I wore another jacket thing a couple of days in a row and IT smelled funky! Then I went for a run and I STANK afterward! What the hell!? Again I went to the Google. Yep. After 40, our bacteria starts to change and there’s nu.thing.you.can. Do about it. One thing I read said something about cutting back on dairy. Thanks, I did that in 2016. I’m not sure why this one really got to me. Perhaps because it’s not something I can fight in any way, shape, or form. Just wash things more. Maybe because I sweat professionally at times and I don’t want people to think I’m stinky. Either way. This one pissed me off.

Things will sag. Whether you’re thick or thin, your skin is losing elasticity. As a matter of fact, I’ve noticed that I have to be even leaner to enjoy the flat tummy that I once had. And I won’t start about how my chin does when I look down. I have always practiced good skin care. Cleansing, moisturizing, etc. There’s only so much you can do. We’re made of organic matter and we’ve been in the same gravity for our entire lives. (This still did not bother me as much as the stinking.)

The Good:

You’re better at managing your reactions and emotions. Unless some traumatic medical event happens to you, you’ve been dealing with yourself, and hopefully taking feedback from the people who you interact with, and you’ve learned a little more about your operating system. Managing things better means that you’re less reactionary and you cause yourself and others less stress as a result.

You’ve built up a resume. I’m in a non-traditional profession, but when I moved, I was able to be slightly more picky about where I applied, because I had a ton of qualifications. Not only that, they were proven. Any time I was asked to come in and demo my skills, I was confident. I had done this before. And I’ve done a buncha other things before too. Moving across the country is scary because you’re heading into the unknown, but there are certain skills that will always be desirable.

You’re confident enough to do you. I know now not to try and do the thing that I think people will like. I have to do the thing that I’m really good at. Because someone else is better at doing the other thing. I hemmed and hawed about this for about half an hour once. I was going to audition for a new club in Nashville where I had taken a demo class. The demo class was good, but I would have taught it totally different. I was told that there was no strict format, and to come audition with energy afterward. I could have tried to teach it the way the other instructor did if that’s what they wanted. I have the capability to learn other formats, but in the end, I decided to do what I wanted to do. And was hired on the spot.

You have a history. I have so many stories now. I have done so many things. I’ve fought in international tournaments, I’ve been in commercials and on stage, I’ve traveled abroad, I’ve moved, I’ve had people die, I’ve fought with people, I’ve reconciled with people. I’ve lived in a really hot place and a bitterly cold place. I’ve lived in a different country! I’ve been heartbroken and I’ve broken hearts. I’ve created wonderful friendships and I’ve chased some dreams. And there’s still a lot I want to do. I just know more about what I don’t need to do anymore and what I really don’t want to do. And I’m much better at what I can do and what I really DO want to do.

You’re more relatable. You’ve had more experiences. You can listen to people. You can empathize with some of what they’re going through because chances are good that you’ve been through something - maybe not similar - but that made you feel the same things. Better yet? You know enough to listen to them and not to interject your own stuff. Unless they want you to. Because sometimes everyone needs a guide who’s been there once before.

You can still learn. Yes, even from people younger than you. By now you’re old enough to know that everyone on earth has something to teach you if you’re willing to look for it. Never stop learning, never stop growing.

Am I scared of what’s coming? Yeah, a little. We’re all scared of the unknown. But it’s also a little exciting. Menopause has not sounded fun to me, but I’ll have to go through it. It’s better than the alternative as far as I know. I haven’t yet met anyone who’s really been excited about getting old, but maybe that’s just our society. I’ve heard that other societies revere age and wisdom. I do think we are a little youth-obsessed. I’m not going to get botox in my forehead and I’m not going to shame anyone who does. But there is a part of me that believes that society put us up to this. If we lived in Okinawa would we feel the need to hide our age? I did for a while when I was really actively acting. I actually lost a job once when a director found out that I was twenty-five instead of nineteen. (We’ll leave all speculations regarding that reasoning alone for the moment.) But it affected me. “If people don’t think I’m younger then I will not get all the jobs I want and I will not do as well.” It’s changing, but I’d like us all to become a part of that.

Some awesome ladies are openly discussing their menopause on Facebook and I encourage it! We all have to go through it. Our partners and family members will be better off if they have some insight as to what we’re going through, so why not? The whole stinking thing got to me this week. So I decided to share.

Getting older; the good, the bad and the ugly