Natural talent is fun, yes, but what about starting out terrible and continuing to practice until you get better?

Me, completely missing the ball during my first ever volleyball game. (Photo by Dean.)

I’ve written before about how I wasn’t naturally athletic when I was younger. I would consider myself athletic now, but this doesn’t mean I’m automatically good at sports. I have good body awareness from years of martial arts, but if you hand me a tennis racket and ask me to hit a ball, it’s probably going over the fence. (At least the first couple of times.)

I tried to learn how to play tennis once. I dated a guy who had learned when he was young and he wanted us to play together. I had never played any kind of ‘hit a ball with a stick’ sports. He insisted on buying rackets and balls and then we went out to the public courts in a park near where we lived. He then proceeded to berate me for letting the ball go every which way until I packed up my racket and walked off the court. I never touched it again. (This is the same person that made me cry when teaching me how to open and present a bottle of wine, so no loss there.)

Now, I like being good at things, of course. I like winning and have a very healthy competitive streak. I made As in school. I went to college on a full scholarship. I’ve got my share of trophies and medals from track, boxing, piano, etc. But I’m not a prodigy.

One of my track coaches overheard me telling another boy on the team once that I played piano. My teammate asked me if I was good at it and I told him that I was. My coach asked me if I liked it and I said I did. “I think Meredith would be good at anything that she likes,” he said. I remembered that because I wondered at the time if it were true and found that it was.

But wouldn’t it be true of anyone?

Being good at something is just doing it all the time. (Yes, I know that there are certain natural advantages that some people have that will make them excellent, this isn’t the point of this entry.) If you do something every day for years and years, with the intent to improve, you will get better at it. It’s the way things work.

Now if you hate the thing, are forced into it, or are berated and belittled every time you make an attempt, you may not improve. And there does seem to be a tendency toward ‘tough love’ when it’s not entirely warranted. Like with my ex. We were on a public court. No one had to pay any money or reserve any time. Was it really so terrible that my ball rolled into the adjacent court every so often? And if it was, perhaps we should have practiced my control of the ball somewhere else first. And definitely not ridiculed me publicly.

I’m not sure where the majority of us lost the joy of just trying something out and not quitting because we weren’t great at it, but I’m here to tell you, it’s highly underrated.

I joined a volleyball league this summer. I have never played volleyball. I am absolutely the worst player on all of the teams.

I’m having a blast.

My friend Patti (who is very good at volleyball) took an hour or so out of an evening before my first game to teach me how to serve, how to dig, and how to set in my backyard so that I wouldn’t be a complete liability. My serves are good about 50% of the time. But every time I do anything helpful, my teammates applaud me like I’ve won the game. When I screw up (often) they say it’s okay, good try, and occasionally they’ll offer a tip. I get better every time I make contact with the ball.

I’m thinking I might practice a bit in the backyard this weekend so that I’m even better next week. I’m considering playing in a winter league. If I do, I’ll get better. (I mean, honestly, there is nowhere to go but up for me at this point.) And if I do, it’s not because of any ‘tough love’ I’ve received from anyone including myself. Like most of us, I am often my own worst critic and tend to beat myself up for not being perfect.

I gave myself complete permission to be bad at this and just have fun.

And I think it’s going to make me better.

(And also, it’s fun.)

The Joy of being Terrible