I’m sure that not I’m an expert on inner peace, or even wildly proficient. But I am a work in progress, as we all are, so I will share a few things that I have found to be true.

Recognize that you’re a work in progress. A big part of this is accepting feedback. You will get some and it will often be warranted. Even if it’s not, see if you can find a way to accept it with grace and search for anything productive you can take from it. When I was coming up in martial arts, trying to earn my black belt, I had to work very hard. I knew that it would be hard work, but I also saw that some people weren’t having to go through everything that I was going through. They were more politically favored. Yes, the injustice rankled a bit, but I also knew that this would just make me a better martial artist in the end. I also wear my feelings on my face. As an actor, this had always been an asset, but now, I had to find a way to create a poker face, take feedback and criticism with grace, regardless of how unkindly it was given, and see if I could find something in it to work with and use to improve myself. To this day, I think it was one of the most valuable life skills I have learned.
Save it for the bus. (And know who’s on the bus with you.) I once did a play in a Chicago suburb that was a bit of a drive. Another actor that I knew used to give me a ride to rehearsals and the show and I would buy us coffee and pastries. The show had problems. Big ones. The two of us were incredibly frustrated and would often use our time in the car to vent everything we thought was going wrong. We were nothing but professional and positive on the set and backstage. He told me a story that stuck with me. When he was in band practice (or maybe it was show choir) in high school they would compete with other schools and often feel that their ranking in the competition was unjust. Their director told them to ‘save it for the bus.’ As in, no matter what you feel, keep it to yourself and be gracious until you get on that bus. My friend then thanked me for being on his bus. I have kept that phrase in my mind whenever I feel the need to vent about something. Often the bus in my living room and my husband is on it with me.
Accept that life is a series of ups and downs. Find a way to cultivate resilience for those downs. I had a goal of moving to Nashville for years before we actually made it come to pass. We worked meticulously toward this goal. I remember my last horrible Chicago winter telling myself “just one more time, this is the last one.” When the move ended up being accelerated by two weeks because of a job opportunity, I was thrilled. I remember biking to work that first day, in the relative ‘warmth’ of Nashville’s March, being so incredibly excited and happy and actually thinking, “Maybe I’ll just get to be happy from here on out.” Never think that thought, kids. The literal day after my condo closed in Chicago and we finished unpacking, our apartment in Nashville caught fire. I have had a series of proverbial punches to the gut since then and sometimes I think that it’s because I dared to think that ridiculous thought and the universe couldn’t stop laughing. Being at peace is better than being happy. It’s more sustainable. Make peace with the fact that you will encounter trials.
Be careful of how you spend your time. Yes, we all have to spend our time doing things we don’t necessarily love. Even the best of jobs become annoying jobs for at least stretches of time, no matter how much you love them. Toilets have to be cleaned and cat puke needs to be picked up. These are important and can be looped into care of one’s self and one’s environment. But if you find that you’re spending most of your free time scrolling on Facebook, losing sleep playing video games or binge watching different Netflix shows, maybe take a look. (Disclaimer: I completely advocate an occasional sloth day, especially when recovering from a bout of extreme productivity, and Nexflix binging can be a wonderful thing during that time.) Everyone has something that they’ve always wanted to do. Just try it. Have you wanted to be a famous singer? Take some voice lessons, do some karaoke, even if it’s just in your living room. YouTube yourself and make videos for your friends. Do something fun and maybe a little bit scary. If you don’t like it, try something new. The world is full of things to do.
Spend time with people who are good for you and fill your soul. Spend time doing things you love and enjoy working hard at as often as you can. This sounds easy, but can be quite difficult. If you’re trying to become sober, for example, and your best friend is constantly encouraging you to drink, then they are not good for you. If you’re in love, but your significant other is constantly stealing your credit card and belittling your goals, then you need to get out. If you’ve been an amazing skater for the past twenty years, but you hate every minute you spend on the ice now, then you need to get out. Time invested does not justify more time invested. This is your one life.
Be as organized as you can be. It really takes the stress out of the morning when you have your bag packed and ready, your items for the day prepared for and your food made. This comes naturally to some people, not so much to others. Do your best. At the very least, prep for your day the night before. You’ll start your day off easier and that in itself will make you feel lighter. Strings of lighter days make for lighter years. And if it all falls apart one day, just try again the next.
Let things go. There are some things you have to attend to, yes. Do all that you can do, then let it go. There are some people you should stand up to yes, do so as kindly as possible, then let it go. Sometimes you will receive praise, receive it graciously, take what lessons you can from it, then let it go. Sometimes you will receive criticism. See what truth you can find it in, take it with grace, then let it go. Things will end, allow yourself to feel the joy or sadness that these ends produce, then let it go. Do the absolute best you can, then let it go.

This last one is the most difficult. At least it is for me. We all like to hang on to things. We like to tell ourselves stories. The actual length of time you spend feeling an emotion is about a minute and a half. The rest is just hanging on to it. It’s difficult to let go.

I tend to think about the future often. How will this affect me later? Then my brain begins to conjure scenarios. I do this with everything and it’s unconscious 90% of the time. I clearly remember a moment years ago when I was out on my balcony on a sunny day, in the midst of a party that I had worked very hard to plan, stressing about the next event. I actually made myself pause and thought ‘what are you doing?’ I worked hard to bring myself into that moment and enjoy it. It is easier now, but still difficult. My gaze is naturally a little farther off. And really, you must enjoy the current moment, because it’s the only one that we are guaranteed to have.

At the same time, you have to keep a small thought out for the future, because you have to prepare yourself just in case you end up there. It’s a balance. And it’s easier if you let go of the things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of it all.

This feels very short for an entry on peace, but honestly, I feel that peace is fairly simple and that everything that I have outlined is challenging. I’m also incredibly aware that I don’t have all of the answers. Feel free to comment if you feel that there’s something I left out.

Finding and maintaining peace