Interview with a Quarantine Cat

I’ll admit it, it’s been more difficult than usual to write the weekly blog lately. Fortunately, this week I had my first request in a while; a blog from Jake’s perspective. For anyone who isn’t already aware, Jake is my sixteen-year-old tuxedo cat who’s been my companion since he was a kitten. Yesterday I sat down, with Jake’s permission, for a Q&A to get an on-the-record perspective from a quarantine pet. Here is the transcript of our conversation:

Meredith: Thanks for helping me with this, Jake.

Jake: It’s weird when you call me Jake. You normally only call me Jake when you’re fussing at me. Or when you want me to destroy a bug for you.

M: What do I normally call you?

J: Jakey. Jake-a-fur. Sometimes Jakey Bakey the Wondercat, but you sing when you do that one and I don’t know how I feel about it. Also Poohbah. You call me Poohbah a lot. I don’t know what it means, but I like that one.

M: Okay, well, in the spirit of formality, is it alright if I call you Jake for the interview? Or would you prefer Mr. Lyons?

J: Jake is okay, I suppose.

M: Thank you. So, as you’re aware, humankind all over the world has been quarantined at home to try and stop the spread of a virus. It’s highly contagious and deadly for many humans, although many other humans can catch the virus and not even know they have it, making it even harder to control. Obviously this has affected the lives of everyone, including our animal companions, and I’d like to know your thoughts on how the human quarantine has affected you personally.

J: So, there’s a human killing disease happening? 

M: Yes, that’s why Dean and I have been home so much.

J: Oh. Do our other humans have it? The ones that used to come over and pay attention to me?

M: No, fortunately our friends in Nashville are all safe for right now. They just can’t come over because we don’t know who out of all of us might be a carrier. So, what did you think was happening? Why did you think we were home so much?

J: We just moved into this house. Everything is different. I thought perhaps you were making me more comfortable.

M: Are you more comfortable? Do you like that we’re here more?

J: Some things I like.

M: Okay, let’s start with that. What are the things that you like about us being here more?

J: Morning snuggles are nice. Humans staying in bed longer and taking turns snuggling with me. That is fun. Also, fresh food whenever I want it. If I am loud and persistent enough, I get new food in my bowl.

M: We need to talk about that, actually…

J: We are discussing the things that I like, are we not?

M: Yep. Sorry. Continue.

J: Fresh food whenever I want it. Also, whenever I am bored, there is always someone to complain to. If I am lonely, I can go into a room with a human and walk in front of the light box that they stare at and usually they will pet me. I also think it is helpful for humans. I don’t think you should be staring at those things for that long.

M: I mean, you’re probably right, but we do have to do work in order to make money. Are there other things that you like or were you done?

J: You clean up around my litter box much more quickly, which is nice. I like the new water fountain you got me. And that tube stuff that I get. I want that more often, please.

M: That’s your laxative and the vet said only twice a day.

J: Why are we listening to that person? That person shaved my white tummy. It’s chilly.

M: Dr. Garrett went to many years of school so that she understands how to make cats healthy. They shaved your belly for an ultrasound. We’re going back there today to make sure everything is working.

J: What?

M: Nevermind. Anyway, I’ll ask Dr. Garrett about the laxative. And why you behave like a crack-addict over it.

J: That’s not very nice.

M: You’re right, I apologize. Are there things that you don’t like about us being home more?

J: Yes. Sometimes I want to be alone. And you’re always here. And I try and get some privacy by napping underneath the pillows, but if you find me, you move the pillows and take a lot of pictures of me and that is very annoying. Also, there has been more dancing and I do not enjoy when you dance with me. You know that. It feels very unsafe. And usually you smell of wine. Many times the other human holds me when I do not want to be held. Most of the time I do not want to be held and you are both continually picking me up. I will tell you if I want to be held. In general, there is a lot more interaction that is not my idea and it’s usually rather annoying. If you would let me take the initiative most of the time, I think this would work better. You have enough pictures of me. I think you can stop taking pictures of me for a while. You must have hundreds by now. Some of the smells are also annoying. Must you bleach everything that comes through the door? It reeks. 

M: Okay. Is that everything?

J: I’m not sure.

M: You’re not sure if there’s more you don’t like?

J: There are some things that I like parts of, but don’t like other parts of.

M: Can you give me an example of one of those things that you feel ambiguous about?

J: Hmmm. Yes. Your moods are very unstable. I don’t like this. But sometimes, when you are having a melancholy mood, you are still in one place for a long time. Then I can lay with you and you will pet me and snuggle. I can take nice naps. I like that. Even if you make my fur wet with your face water sometimes. 

M: I’m sorry I cry on your fur sometimes.

J: It’s okay. I feel like I am helping.

M: You are helping. You’re very helpful. I’m glad you’re with me.

J: Why would I not be with you? I have always been with you.

M: Well, I’m a lot older than you. There was a time before you were born that you were not with me. And for the first four months of your life, which you probably don’t remember. 

J: Bah. 

M: It’s true. I’ve never lied to you.

J: I also do not lie. I am here. We are always together. Even when you are very annoying. I will always be with you.

M: Thank you, Jakey. I love you.

J: I love you, also. Are we done with this now?

M: Yes, we can be done.

J: Can I have some of the tube stuff?

M: Yes, I’ll get you some of your laxative.

J: It will be a good day!