Almost everyone around the world dealt with some workplace changes this past year. Dean and I have flip flopped working from home and working on location a few times. Both of us have had different reactions to both. I’m sure any cohabitating persons have had to make household adjustments. I’ve also found the things that we like or don’t like about either arrangement interesting as they highlight the differences in our personalities, so I thought I’d do a rundown of our experience.

When we first went into lockdown, both of us were working from home for several weeks. Since I was still trying to teach fitness classes and do personal training remotely, we had to do our best to work things around when Dean had breaks, or hope that he didn’t need to take a long call while I was trying to teach a yoga class. We live in an 800 square foot house, so there weren’t a lot of options for getting out of each other’s way.

Once fitness centers were able to go back into limited operation (June 2020 in Nashville), I was working outside of the house again, but Dean was still working from home. My client base was now non-existent at the downtown gym and this never really improved. The downtown gym was in an office building and most employees were either still working from home, or chafed at the new hours and restrictions on gym usage and decided not to sign up. Although class attendance had picked up at the other center that I taught at, I was struggling financially. I eventually took on another part time job, this one was remote. After six weeks of trying to do all three, I stepped down from managing the downtown gym, as it paid the least and was the least forgiving schedule-wise. I begonly going in to train the two clients that I had.

In May of 2021, I was offered a promotion and a full time position at my remote job, which I accepted immediately. I said goodbye to the clients at the downtown gym, made a plan to drop the virtual classes that I was teaching from home and let go of all but three virtual clients. I kept the morning classes at the other fitness center. I teach four weekday mornings a week and it keeps me on a schedule, after that, I’m home full time. At the end of May, Dean also got a new job, which started in June. He now had to go into the office.

I asked Dean what he thought were the pros and cons of each arrangement. He said that having access to food and medicine was a big plus at home. He’s been less consistent with taking his medication now that he has to go into the office. He also used to regularly cook his lunches depending on what he wanted that day. Now he has to prepare in advance, or he ends up going out for lunch. When we were both home, I did try and take my lunches when he did and we would have a break in the middle of the day to talk about how things were going or maybe get a quick household chore out of the way. Sometimes I was able to convince him to go on a short bike ride with me. Although I do have to say, I now enjoy having quiet time with my lunch, whether I’m just sitting on the couch with a book or bike riding solo.

Although he liked being able to wear whatever he wanted while working at home, he has enjoyed bringing out clothes that he hadn’t thought about in over a year. And, “It’s genuinely refreshing, getting to know someone new after almost not being allowed to through the pandemic,” he says. He also said that getting help from a coworker is easier, as he can often just get up and ask them, rather than drafting an email.

For me this hasn’t changed much. When I was at the downtown gym, I was being run by people in Chicago, and I had three different bosses during my one year there. Because we were all expected to manage our gyms as well as be the primary trainers, there were often times when we weren’t at our desks. It was sometimes a day or two before you got an answer back to a question. Now, the people that I work with are sometimes part time, sometimes full time and all in different time zones, but I have never had a chat or an email go unanswered for more than a few hours. We video call often, we have standing meetings, and I sometimes feel as if I am in the same room with them. In fact, one of them did come into the area once during a time when restrictions were ‘getting lighter’ and I met up with him and my boss for the first time ever, it was so much fun. I can’t wait to meet up with the rest of them. I do enjoy not having to wear fitness clothes all day. I know it sounds great and comfy, but being in a sports bra gets old after a few hours.

One of the things that Dean doesn’t like about going into the office is that, because we share a car, he’s technically late almost every day. This was something that we discussed and negotiated with his company because I teach in the early mornings and didn’t want to give up my teaching schedule. He’s about five to ten minutes late most days. It also means that he misses a mandatory meeting on Mondays. His office is understanding, but as a person who likes to be on time, it rankles him, which I understand.

The face Dean makes when he misses kittens, undoubtedly.

He also says he misses the kittens. Which I totally understand. There were times last year when I would text him and demand kitten pictures because I just missed them. I will say though, that being with them every second of every day, is often trying. Aang has tried to sabotage manuscripts more often than I am comfortable with. (I think I’ve at least got him afraid of the treadmill desk.) And they love to pick meeting times to be incredibly needy.

For me, there are some things that Dean used to do regularly on his breaks, vacuum the rug, do the dishes, laundry, etc. that he no longer has a chance to do that I miss. When I cook I tend to clean as I go, which works well when we cook together, but he was always the one who did the most cooking for himself. (I’m the one who doesn’t eat meat.) So he’s the one with the most dirty dishes. Only now, he doesn’t have as much time to clean them, so either I do it, or the kitchen just collects until he has time. Neither option is great, but it’s not the worst problem to have.

“I feel like working from home has genuinely made me more introverted.” This was one con Dean posted that I thought was interesting. I had always considered Dean to be a classic extrovert and was worried about how all of this was affecting him. “It’s more tiring spending time with people, not that I don’t love it, it’s just a muscle I haven’t flexed in a year.”

This is a change in our relationship dynamic, as originally I was always the more introverted one and Dean was the one ‘out with people.’ Now I’m the one bringing new folks home. (This does not bode well.) However, recently, the husband of one of my friends from my writing group (who recently had a lemonade stand for her kids, that Dean attended to- in his words- be a good friend) contacted Dean to see a nerdy movie. I didn’t end up going to the lemonade stand, I had to work. It was Dean who made that decision, took the thirty minute drive and then sat out there for a bit in their ‘bistro’ having his lemonade and muffin.

Dean also misses coming in and hugging me every now and then. But there were years of our marriage where I - introvert- got hours alone by myself to decompress from all of the people every day before he came home. Suddenly, I didn’t have any space anymore. It became a party for me if Dean went to the grocery store. Now, I have that back. It’s really been good for me as a recharge. Do I miss Dean? Yes, but an appropriate amount; to where I am excited when he comes home. I'm looking forward to the stories that he has to tell me. I'm looking forward to planning our time together rather than just assuming that there will be time. I want to get dressed up just to hang out. I also kind of like blaring my music while I’m working.

As you can see, I am inundated with kitten time.

Overall, I’m happy with how we’ve adjusted. We’ve both done our best to be accommodating to the other while still getting done what we need to get done. I think Dean’s inner extrovert will heal. I think we all still have some healing to do. And the adjustments won’t stop this year. The entire Earth is changing. We’re going to have to change with it.

The return to the office, or not...