Dean and I used to take a vacation every February.

This started after we were married and had to postpone our honeymoon. It was also a great excuse to leave Chicago during one of the most painfully cold months of the year. February of 2019 was different. We moved to Nashville at the end of that month instead. By the time 2020 rolled around, we were just starting to get back on our feet financially, and obviously took no vacations, other than eventually visiting our families for a cautions holidays that year. The same basically applied to 2021, although I did venture out for a girls weekend with a friend for a race.

Dean and I have been discussing a vacation for a while now. With work, I doubt I could get away with a long one, but I could do a long weekend. And it would be nice to go somewhere. But that’s as far as it ever goes. We talk about it, maybe poke around on the internet a bit, but we haven’t really taken the plunge. Haven’t picked a date. Haven’t even really picked a place. Why is that?

Remember when going out used to be a fun, normal thing?

I had a few friends over for my birthday last weekend. At one point the conversation turned to how opposed we all were to going somewhere. Anywhere. I gave the example of Dean asking me if I wanted to go out to a bar earlier in the week. My response was, “A bar? Why? I have booze here.” Dean was also going to take me out to eat for my birthday. When he couldn’t get a reservation and said that we’d just show up and see when we got in, I immediately bailed. We ordered sushi instead.

The thing is, I remember enjoying going out to eat. I remember meeting my friends at a bar for a drink or two. I remember liking the process of getting ready to go out. I had favorite places. Favorite dishes at those places. Dean and I used to plan and book our vacations months in advance. It was a thrill for it to be on the calendar.

I know where the change happened. Going out has been a scary and ill advised thing for a few years. And our collective lives changed. For us, personally, we had just moved to a new city. We didn’t have time form bonds with any watering holes or favorite places before we were tucked away inside. And I’m sure some of it is getting older. (A bar you say? Get off my lawn.) And some of the change I don’t mind. Some I do.

I don’t miss the crush of obligations and events that used to fill my calendar. I used to have to choose between them because I couldn’t get to them all. And then I eventually had to learn when enough was enough for me personally and choose none of them. I don’t miss going out to eat or drink as much. Although I would like to start bringing it back for special occasions. There is something about getting dressed up and going out. There’s also something about sitting in a coffee shop that I miss.

I don’t like not going places. This world is so big and vast and there’s no way to see all of it in a lifetime. I don’t like that I’ve become so content to dispense with travel. I want to see places. I have good memories of vacations. I want to try new things.

I believe like any other atrophied muscle, the only way to get it back in shape is to use it.

Last night, I asked Dean if we could take some time to hang out together and make plans. We’ve both become very content just doing our own things in the evenings. Only really talking to each other about ‘business’ other than the occasionally inquiry about how our days have gone and what our plans are for the next day. I told I’m I wanted to talk about making a trip and maybe even book something. So we’ll see.

Remember that time I got to ride a stallion in the Caribbean Sea?

On Saturday I told a friend I would take her out for brunch for her birthday. We picked a place that looked fun. It had a rooftop. We were excited. I couldn’t get reservations. They said we could sit at the bar and take a seat when one became available. When I texted her with this news she said, “Let’s do it.” So we’re doing it.

I’m happy at home. I like it here. I fall on the introvert side of the spectrum and I’ve always been good at keeping myself busy with my own creative projects.

But there is still a world out there. And I think I want to see some more of it.

Vacation? You mean go somewhere?