When I was in my early 20s I lived in England for a year. At the time, I didn’t drink tea or coffee. I remember that this was a social road block, especially if I needed a venting session. “I’ll put the kettle on—oh, wait…”

When I first drank coffee, it was filled with sugar.

Everyone was thrilled to learn I got over this when I visited years later.

My first foray into the coffee world was a Starbucks mocha frappucino. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t like coffee, you’ll love this.” The girl who pushed me down this slippery slope was a sales assistant at Ladies’ Home Journal and I was taking her place. She was showing me the ropes and it seemed impolite to refuse.

I had the coffee shakes after two sips, but she was right. It was DELIGHTFUL.

So delightful, in fact, that it became my Friday treat. And eventually, when I decided to leave the 9 - 5 world to explore more ‘actor friendly’ jobs, I applied at Starbucks. And I got the job. Obviously I learned a lot about coffee and my tastes expanded slightly. One thing I never understood: what is the point of decaf? Me and my young coffee-slinging friends would throw this question at each other occasionally, positing that if one was pregnant, that might be an excuse, but we couldn’t think of any other reasons, and we really rolled our eyes at anyone who requested HALF decaf.

Ah, youth.

Later, I started fighting, which meant making weight, which meant cutting out any excess calories. My vanilla mocha with whipped cream became a medium roast with milk, stevia and cinnamon. Later, I cut out dairy and the milk became soy. I would bring my thermos to the store and get a grande. During the pandemic when thermoses weren’t allowed, this became a venti.

The pandemic changed my relationship to coffee significantly. Coffee out used to be a once or twice a week treat. But there were so few treats available during the pandemic that going up the road to the Starbucks drive through was often my only treat. And the only time I got out. I bought stock in Starbucks to slightly justify my obsession.

I would go to bed the night before a Starbucks day and say to Dean, “You know what I’m looking forward to tomorrow?” Sometimes he would try to guess, but after enough repetition he learned to answer, “Starbucks.”

There are worse bad habits I could have than a venti Pike’s roast with one stevia, extra soy, and cinnamon.

The Starbucks people knew me. They would see my car and when I pulled up to the microphone they’d say, “Good morning, Meredith, we have your order, you can come on around.” On the rare occasions that I went into the store to pick up, they’d say, “Oh! You’re here today! Picking up just for you, or for Dean too?” It made me feel special.

One of the first things I did once I was fully vaxed and the restrictions started lifting was try out other coffee shops. I had a list of what was rumored to be the Best Coffeeshops in Nashville, and I would try a new one every weekend. I’d go, get a coffee and a pastry and write for a bit. Eventually I settled on a preferred spot, but meeting friends for coffee is still one of my favorite things to do, either to catch up or to get a writing session in.

Then something happened in December.

I’ve discusssed this before, so I won’t go into a huge amount of detail, but to sum up: I was getting massive stomach pain out of the blue. Nothing was showing up on tests and basically I just had to cut a ton of things from my already restricted diet. Caffeine being one of them. And even decaf coffee wasn’t something I could have as often as I had been indulging.

Fortunately, I was in the health and fitness profession for a decade, so I had a caffeine free, acid free substitute on hand—dandelion root, if you’re wondering—but I still wasn’t happy. I missed going to pick up my coffee. I missed everything about it.

Here are some things I learned:

A lot of stores just don’t carry decaf. Meeting friends out became extra expensive because if I wanted anything decaf, I basically had to get an Americano because almost no coffeeshop (including my favorite Starbucks) keeps a drip of decaf available. This adds $3-5 to your purchase, depending on the coffeeshop and you don’t get a refill. At Starbucks, they have to make you a pour over if you request it, but they’re not happy about it, and I wouldn’t know that if I hadn’t worked there in another life.
Many Starbucks won’t let you mobile order ahead of time if you want decaf. This is, of course, because they don’t have it and would have to make you a pour over. So if I wanted to scoop a treat and get to work at a decent time, I had to order something off the espresso menu, which, as we have already discussed, adds $$.
Tea is also ridiculously expensive at these places and honestly just does not taste any better than tea I brew at home. That’s really it, I have nothing to add to this statement. I can count on two fingers the times I’ve been wow'ed by someone’s tea.
Hot chocolate not only packs an extra calorie punch, but chocolate is another of those things I can’t have. Hot chocolate was the workaround when I lived in England. It’s often not as expensive as the other options, but sadly, it is denied me as well.

I understand why stores don’t keep a decaf urn when so few people request it, but dammit, I did not realize how difficult the decaf life was going to be until this three months (and counting) fiasco I’ve been living. I think back often to my younger self saying “what’s the point of decaf?”

The point is to be able to drink something warm that’s not going to tear your insides out or cost and arm and a leg while you catch up with a friend. The point is to be able to get within arm’s length of a little ritual that you sorely miss without paying for it with pain for two days. Decaf was invented for a reason. And the reason is me.

On a positive note, I had a visit with a new doctor today. She said it’s time to start carefully trying some things. “Maybe not a venti, maybe a tall.” She said she doesn’t think it will do any damage and to pay attention to how it goes. It’s also possible I won’t be able to drink coffee as often as I did before. And I can live with that.

Yes, there IS a point to decaf coffee.