This was a tough one. The week has been a wreck, not just for me, but seemingly for everyone I know. Worse for some than others. I usually try to aim to have these entries written before Dean gets off work on Thursdays so that I can find the pictures and prep the blog for publishing on Friday. I used to finish it Friday morning, but I found that ended up being too stressful.

I couldn’t finish this one on time. I have had weeks where I’ve sat down at the computer with a clear idea of where I wanted to go. More often, I sit down not really knowing what I’m going to write, but what I really need to say comes out anyway. This week none of that was happening.

This is actually from Katrina. But I strongly prefer to use photos that I’ve taken. And it illustrates the hurricane point. Mentally and literally.

There were events that occurred this week that impacted me heavily. I considered writing about them, but they also involved other people whose privacy I wanted to respect. And there was no way to write about these events anonymously. I meditated on it while soaking in a bubble bath. I turned it over in my mind on the drive to physical therapy. I thought about it while I was getting heat and TENS. There was no angle from which I could approach this. No inspiration came.

I got home, I had a few more work things to deal with, because work has followed me home a lot this week., then I gave up, poured a glass of wine and called my mom to check on her. (Today would have been my grandma’s 97th birthday.) I had tried to call her earlier, but apparently she and my dad had been outside picking up debris from the hurricane. (Zeta was a fast moving storm, so she was still a Category 1 by the time she hit Montgomery, which is rare.) I let her know how my best friend in Louisiana was doing and how we were doing. (Very wet in Nashville, but fine.)

A picture of Aang and Dean about three months ago because I can. Aang has doubled in size since.

While I was on the phone with her, Dean walked out to check the mail holding Aang. Aang gets clingy every now and then and just needs someone to hold him as if he were a toddler. (Cloud is more independent. He’s more into snuggling shaggy rugs and very soft blankets than humans. Unless said humans are especially stinky.) There was a package in the mail. I knew what it was before I even saw who it was addressed to.

A few months ago I entered a writing contest. I didn’t really expect to win, but how do you win if you don’t play? There was a side contest that you could also enter. It was for a book called “Boundless Creativity” and from having attended the writer’s webinar before and reading the description of the book, I really wanted it. But I almost didn’t enter the contest because you had to write something. What’s worse, you had to write something about why you needed the book. After hovering over the ‘close window’ X for a moment, I decided to write something and enter. If for no other reason than it would push me to do something that I didn’t want to do and stretch myself.

I was not a finalist for the original contest. But. I won the book. Got it in the mail today. Silver lining and perhaps a tool to help me out of this creative block.

While I was on the phone with my mom, unpacking the woes of the week, Dean went out for a four mile run. This month, he’s made an effort to get healthier. It’s a choice he made on his own. He signed up for a virtual 10k and decided to have a Sober October. His runs have not been easy. It’s been well over a year since he has run regularly. I’m really proud of him for doing it.

I was sitting outside under our front porch, finishing the phone call with my mom when the rain started coming down. I realized that Dean was still out there, running what would be his farthest run in a long time. I ran to put his towel in the dryer so that it would be warm when he got home and then drew him a hot bubble bath. In case you’re wondering, I’m not that awesomely thoughtful, he has done these things for me before when I’ve been out on a run and caught in the rain.

For whatever reason, it’s struck me a couple of times this week how glad I am that Dean and I are together. I’m not sure what it would have looked like if I were alone or with anyone else.

According to society at large, I married ‘late’, which was a disappointment to younger Meredith, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Perhaps I’m a late bloomer or maybe it took me longer to figure myself out. Or longer to find my match. If you believe in destiny, perhaps I was ‘destined’ for Dean and had to wait until he was old enough so that our age difference wasn’t creepy. Regardless, I’m so happy that Dean is the partner that I made permanent.

As he ran up the drive to our porch, I remember thinking that he was my silver lining. Then I thought of that Rilo Kiley song for the first time in years.

Hooray hooray

I'm your silver lining

I had always ascribed that song to another relationship I had. The one right before Dean actually. I was that person’s silver lining, but I was so much, much better off once I was NOT.

Hooray hooray

I'm your silver lining

Hooray hooray

But now I'm gold

When I’m lacking inspiration or having a tough time getting off of the struggle bus, I always have someone there to support me. We figure things out together. Dean and I can be each other’s silver lining when we need it. And I think that we often are. But together, we’re gold.

Hooray, Hooray, I'm your silver lining