Even fake fighting takes some training. (Yes, that’s my back.)

I’ve always been an active person. For much of my life, I’ve been an athletic person. I remember the moment I realized that I was a vulnerable person.

One New Years Eve in Chicago, many many years ago, a friend of mine was walking home from a party. She got all the way inside her apartment before she realized that a man had followed her. He walked behind her for several blocks without attracting attention. Got into her elevator with her and stood quietly. Let her out first, then after she’d unlocked her door, he forced himself in and raped her.

I remember my boyfriend at the time was upset. He said something to me like, “You girls walk around here like you’re so tough and what are you actually going to do?” He didn’t have the best bedside manner. But he went on to say that our friend had said to him, “I couldn’t do anything against this guy. I’m a strong girl, and there was nothing I could do.”

It started me thinking. What could I really do? I was a runner. I knew not to tuck your thumb inside your fist if you punched someone. I’d even taken a few one-off self defense courses. But that was about it.

In Paris, after a little warm up in the park before a tournament.

I signed up for six months of martial arts. Thinking, that ought to be enough to let it sink in. Those of you who know me, will know that I tend to go whole hog into anything that I really enjoy, and I spent the next decade or so ‘getting my zoomies out’ with various forms of punching and kicking. I eventually turned it into a career by adding some fitness certifications and teaching ‘authentic feeling’ cardio kickboxing. I also taught several self defense seminars and courses.

Not everyone needs to go to that level, obviously, but I do think that more than a one-off self defense course is necessary. Unless you intent to practice the things you learn in that course on a very regular basis until they’re in your body so that you’ll react with them in the event that you’re attacked.

I’m going to go over a few basic habits I changed after I learned how to fight and also some of the most common questions I got in self defense courses.

After I learned to fight:

Being in a ring is very different from self defense on the street. But I don’t have a lot of pictures of me palm striking a dude in the nose during a bar fight. So please enjoy this picture of me post-Chicago Golden Gloves Final, with boxing hair.

I stopped taking ‘short cuts’ down strange alleys, accepted rides/walks home from trusted friends more often. The truth is, there are a lot of situations that you can’t control. So control the ones that you can. There’s no reason not to take the lit path at night. The first part of self defense is to avoid putting yourself in a bad situation.
I stopped being polite in situations where I felt weird. I apparently give off some kind of vibe and always get asked for directions, even if I’m visiting a foreign country. One time a man asked me for help with the train ticket vending machine at an off the beaten path train stop at night. I got a weird vibe off of him. I backed away from him and asked him to repeat himself. He kept asking unclear questions about the machine and he kept coming forward. I loudly said I couldn’t help him and booked it out of there to a bus stop with people. Now, perhaps he was just some weirdo who couldn’t understand the ticket instructions and I will be forever remembered as ‘that rude girl at the train stop’ in his narrative. I care not. He could have been trying to mug people with cash for the ticket machine. Or worse. The point is, an earlier version of myself may have ignored that feeling in my gut and chided myself for being rude and judgmental. Better rude and safe, I say.
I’ve started carrying pepper spray and/or a knife* when I’m out before/after sunrise or in an unknown part of town. Caveat to this; I worked on knife disarms for years and years. *Don’t carry around a knife for defense if you don’t know how to use it. It’s also better to have your weapon in your hand. When I first moved here, I carried a can of pepper spray in my hand on early morning runs, making sure my thumb knew where the safety was before I set off. This is something I never did before I learned self defense.
I’m hyper aware of my surroundings. I like to go on walks after work. I listen to music, but I keep my head up. When I see someone, I usually smile at them, but on a few, rare occasions, I have changed direction or crossed to the other side of the street. I’m also very aware of what I have on me that can be stolen/used against me/used as a weapon BY me. Not things I would have thought about before.

Questions I got during self defense courses:

This is a saw for cutting limbs. Tree limbs, you silly! I don’t recommend carrying one on you all the time, but if you’re very familiar with it, it would probably make a good weapon if you had it handy.

Can you teach us to use knives? The answer to this was almost always no. I was never with people for more than one session a week for seven weeks (and those people were lucky). If you’re not going to practice regularly, your body won’t react automatically and you’re more likely to have a knife taken away and used against you. I had one older lady who went out and bought one anyway and brought it proudly to class. She could barely even open it herself, the spring was so tight. I resignedly taught them all a few disarms and which parts of the body to defend with in case of a knife fight. I told her I wanted her to use that knife as often as possible, cutting open boxes, etc, which is not what you would normally do with a knife you’re keeping as a weapon. But she needed to get familiar with it in her hand if it was going to be of any use at all. I told her to keep it sharp but there was only so much I could do.
What if they grab my bag? I had a lot of people very concerned about their stuff. I would tell them that everything in their bag could be replaced. They could not. Interestingly, the older the person got, the harder that was for them. They really didn’t want to give up their stuff. I once had my entire class come in, carrying everything they would carry on a normal basis. Then I let the rest of the class attack them. (Controlled.) I would freeze them in the middle and ask the person what they were going to do to defend. If they couldn’t think of it in that moment, it was going to be impossible at fight speed. Your stuff can be replaced.
What if I’m going to a foreign country? I had a few people worried they would get mugged on trips. My advice was to treat it the same way you treat any strange place now. People think I’m anal or overly-organized, but I like to Google Map an area that I’ve never been and check out the street view if it’s available. I like to know what’s around there. There’s no reason not to with all that we have available. If you’re lost in a strange area, keep walking as if you know where you’re going, make the block back to your train, or head into a store, then check your phone and call someone.

That’s enough for now. Basically, after I learned how much I didn’t know, and how many different, terrible ways there are to hurt someone, I started being extra careful with myself. I believe most people would assume the opposite. You learn to fight, you go out like the world can’t touch you. I won’t lie, there is a certain confidence in knowing that you can handle yourself, but I’ve found the people who really know what they’re doing, don’t go looking for trouble. (Unless they’re crazy. And I have met one or two crazies.)

Be safe, be happy, enjoy your weekend!

Why everyone should learn to fight. (At least a little bit.)