I love writing.

It’s what I do when I have downtime. If I’m not writing, I’m reading, editing, querying, or meeting other writers to talk about writing. I’ve also got a book coming out in September, so pre-launch activities for that are heating up and I’ll be attending several writing conferences, it’s exciting! (Also, stressful, I get very stressed when packing.)

I’d heard of creative burnout before and was pretty sure I would recognize it when it happened. I was also pretty sure that I’d want to “push through” anyway. I was wrong.

Looking back, last week was a culmination of a lot of things for me. We had determined that we weren’t going to be getting any financial assistance to repair our fence. (Fortunately we have amazing friends who agreed to help us rebuild in exchange for tacos and booze.) I also can’t seem to break my streak of at least one illness per month in 2023 and was diagnosed with both a corneal ulcer and a bladder infection. Both super fun to deal with. I’m also on submission and had just received a string of form rejections and decided to go back to the drawing board with my materials.

Last weekend I was hitting all the antibiotics, starting to feel better, our friend fixed our fence, and another friend sat down with me for several hours over coffee while we retooled my query, and discussed manuscript overhauls. I was excited about the changes and went home and went to work on them right away.

I’m not a t.v. person. If you ask me if I’ve seen X popular show, there is a 100% chance I’ll tell you no if that show was made any time in the ‘20s. In the past three years people have recommended shows to me and my response has always been, “I’ll put it on the list.” Reader, there is no list. I do not intend to watch the show. I prefer to read, write, or take a walk, but that sounds snooty and I don’t want to offend anyone.

All this to say, I woke up Sunday with no motivation and ended up watching reruns of House and The Good Doctor on TikTok for hours. I had to recharge my phone battery in between shows. It was ridiculous and unproductive. “You did a lot this weekend,” I told myself. “Perhaps a rest day is necessary. You’ll be back on top tomorrow.”

I did all the normal things. Ate well, got to bed at a decent time, confident that I would be ready to go when the alarm went off at 5.

Nope.

Every text or email I got about a writing group’s submissions made me feel tired. I didn’t want to look at my own query. I tried to read through the manuscript I had been enthusiastically editing just a few days before and found myself thinking, “Is this even any good? No one’s going to want this crap no matter what I do to it. The betas were obviously just being nice.” So I stopped looking at it. I didn’t want to read any of the books I was reading for my social media reviews. I didn’t want to post anything on social media. Work was busy, which was good, but on my downtime, I didn’t want to read or write. I watched more medical shows on TikTok.

When the next day wasn’t any better, I chatted with my friends. I didn’t know what was wrong. Writing seemed pointless, submitting seemed ridiculous, and I was experiencing dread at the thought of having to read through anyone else’s pieces and critiquing them. I thought, maybe I’m done. I’ll get this one book out and there will be no more. The thought made me sad, but felt inevitable.

Fortunately, many of my friends are writers. Two of them are also debuting this year, one has already launched and one is a few months behind me. Independently, they told me that I was burnt out and the tank was empty and if watching medical shows was what I needed to do right now, then I shouldn’t beat myself up over it. Friend A even pointed out that I’d had a lot going on in recent days and it was understandable that I might need a break. Friend B told me that I had been feeling some pressure to achieve certain goals and setting my sights on certain days in the calendar, but that the good thing was that the only person putting that pressure on me, was me. Both recommended I just take a few weeks off from all things writing and any obligations that I could let go of. (Obviously, I have to prioritize things related to my launch.)

As soon as I gave myself permission for even just a week to do what I wanted to do, I felt better the following day. I was feeling stressed because I didn’t have any ideas for social media. I decided to skip social media for the entire week. I let my writing groups know that I was burnt out and wouldn’t be attending this week, they were both understanding. I read a book that I got for my birthday that I just wanted to read for me. I have no pressure to review it or put it on social if I don’t want to.

The first day, I did have to make myself work on an article that I have due, but I felt better after I had done it. I also had to make myself book flights for a conference later in the summer, but it’s done. That’s a load off. By the following day, I felt like looking at one of my pitches for a bit and made some edits. The next day I was able to look at the manuscript I was revamping again. I’m still taking the rest of the week. I’m only doing things I honestly feel like doing, and I’m starting to ease out of that panic feeling of, “I’ve peaked and we’re done.”

So, no. No matter how much I love writing, I did not want to “push through“ and honestly, I think it’s probably better that I didn’t, and that I had the space to take a break. Once I gave myself permission.

But damn, I didn’t think binging House and the Good Doctor were going to be symptoms of burnout.

I burnt out and it didn't look like I thought it would.