Tough times are inevitable. And they will pass, just like the good times do. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that when you’re ‘in it.’ I’m a firm believer that support through hard times is essential. Whether it’s a village or just a small team. Even just one or two other people can be a team. Yes, there may be changes that you have to make on your own, no one can do them for you, but having at least one person on the outside of the forest to talk it out with, or just to sit with, that’s a huge help.

I’m going through a different kind of ‘rough thing’ right now. I’d love to put it on blast, shout it from the rooftops and receive fully all of the bolstering I know I would receive, but it’s not one of those circumstances. This is the kind where you enlist the help of a trusted few and circle the wagons. It’s hard for me. I like to talk things out, write things out, it’s how I process. But I know that this is for the best.

The darker days are always a little more difficult.

Before I go further, I should say that no one is dying and things will be okay, but my foundation has been shaken. This year keeps throwing curve balls at me and shaking my foundation!

I’m tired of that.

2019 has definitely been a year of striving and surviving, and I get that these things have to happen in order for us to grow, but I’m really ready for some mundane intervals. But, as I try to do, I’ll look at the positives that have come out of this.

I’ve been learning to listen to myself a little more when I need mental or physical breaks. I’m still getting used to the fact that I don’t have to study every spare minute, and I feel like I should be filling that time productively with writing or working on my website, maybe creating some online offerings, etc. But there have been several times this past week and a half, or so… should I just say fortnight? It’s pretty close to a fortnight. I never get to say fortnight. Let’s do it. There have been several times this past fortnight where I have been so spiritually overwhelmed that all I want to do is sit and stare at the wall or maybe read a book. And sometimes I’ve let myself. More often than I used to, at any rate. I’m learning.

I have a race coming up this Saturday. It will be my first half marathon since my big injury. I’ve been paying attention to how my leg has felt and I’ve been careful to stretch and roll it out. During the last two weeks of training, it complained a little. I took an extra rest day or two when I was supposed to maybe do an ‘easy run’ to give it some time. Before I would have pushed through. But I don’t want to injure it again. I still haven’t decided how hard I’m going to race. I’ll see how I feel on Saturday.

I have a lot of new job opportunities that have sprung up suddenly during this Fortnight of Foundation Agitation. (Did that on purpose. Not sorry about it!) And while this is wonderful, it means adding on the stress of starting several new things at once and trying to kick ass at them and fit them into my life whilst fixing what’s been damaged. It’s exhausting and overwhelming. But sometimes inspiring and exciting! I’m trying to take it one day at a time. But it’s difficult. My emotions careen all over the place. One hour I’m fine, I got this, I can do everything! The next I’m crying at my desk and can’t get it under control.

It doesn’t help that it’s November. Shorter days do not help. But, I am getting my Vitamin D and using my Happy Light and I am not freezing this year! (Real fall is great!) I’m feeling very heavy at times and everything feels difficult, but I’m taking steps. And I’m doing my best. And Christmas will come eventually. The days will get longer again. One way or another, this won’t last forever. On the other side we’ll be stronger and better.

Fighting 2019 all the way to the end