How to ace your first writing conference. (Or any networking gathering, really.)

I attended my first writers conference in 2019 and you better believe I was all over the internet looking for tips on ‘How to Conference.’

At the time I was just starting out. I had a manuscript I’d been smushing around for a few years and considered it finished. I’d taken a few classes. I’d just moved across the country. My grandmother left me some money, and with it, I decided to ‘go for it’ and signed up for a conference one state over. I found a bunch of tips online, some of them freaked me out, some were great advice. Having just come off of a conference where I had an absolute blast and wasn’t stressed about anything, I thought I’d throw this up for everyone out there who might be frantically Googling, like I did in the Before Times.

My card on the top is that first one I threw together. The one below is my current one. Sitting on top of the pile I collected last weekend.

So, in no particular order, here are a few things I would have liked to have been told.

Get business cards. I came across this gem on someone’s blog the night before my first conference. Fortunately, I had some business card stock and a neighbor with a good printer. I slapped something quick together with all of my contact info and one of my actor headshots on the back and printed out about fifty. I used almost all of them. Now, they also have plastic cards with QR Codes that you can show people and they can scan your info right into their phones. I have one of those too. I like business cards better for this particular instance. Not everyone’s phone is going to behave the same way, and when people are having a conversation, they’re not going to want to stop, scan in your code, then follow all of your socials immediately. Some of those conference badges even have a pocket for storing business cards, so everyone will be putting them in the same place. If you can, get one with your picture on it in case you only get to talk to someone once. They can put a face to a name when they’re going back through their contacts.

Emily and I specifically went to this author’s panel so that we could ambush her afterward and get her to sign our books. (Success!)

Take a flexible approach to panels. Although some panels will be an additional fee, usually there is a good option of panels included in the conference, and often times you’ll have to choose between several going on at the same time. If you’re a brand new writer (as I was when I went to my first conference) and have no idea what end is up, you’ll probably get a lot of good information from every panel, so pick the ones that sounds most interesting. Sometimes these panels are hit and miss. The moderator could be late or cancel last minute, there’s a last minute change and the panelists couldn’t prepare, etc. For that reason, if you know your way around querying, submitting, finding your voice, etc. another way to chose panels is based on who you might like to network with. Even if you’re unable to approach that person after their panel (they may have to rush to a signing or have a crowd around them) you’ll get a built in conversation starter when you meet them at lunch or at the bar. (More on that later.)

Live pitching an agent. I did meet with an agent at that first conference in 2019 and I’ve done live pitching at virtual conferences since then. I’m also lucky enough to have friends on the other side of the table who’ve shared their experiences with me. (And of course, I’ve Googled extensively to see what the hive mind consensus is.) So this is an amalgamation of what I’ve done, what I’ve heard agents like, and what’s supposedly standard. In the ‘before times’ it was paramount that you memorize your pitch. That’s what all the articles from 2015 say. Now, I definitely think you should have your one sentence pitch memorized. That way you’ll have the core of your story right there in your brain if you freeze up. For the longer pitch, I personally recommend a combination of memorization and having the pitch in front of you. Here me out. I spent nearly two decades as an actor in Chicago, going on audition after audition and you better believe I got good at cold reads. Not everyone has this in their wheelhouse, so listen. You need to be able to talk to this agent like a person, not like a robot. A lot of people when reading will just glue their eyes to the paper and avoid looking up because they’re nervous. Not good. When you memorize anything, there’s always the possibility that you’ll ‘go up’ as actors say, and suddenly all language will fail you and you will just gape like a guppy and ten seconds will feel like a tortuous eternity for both you and the agent. (Who probably feels terrible for you, but what can they do?) My advice is to keep your pitch short so you have more time to talk to the agent like a person afterward, and to spend the days leading up to your pitch randomly pitching it around the house to your roommates, spouse, kids, pets, the armchair, whatever. Facetime people, just try to tell them about your book and sound natural. Then have the paper in front of you on the day, but look at the agent. If you get stuck, it’s right there for you to glance down at. Know your pitch. Talk like you love it. Talk like a human.

I even dragged my husband to some of the ‘after’ parts of this last one.

You’re probably not going to be randomly pitching people in elevators. I read this ‘how to’ that terrified me right before my first conference. That you should have your elevator pitch memorized (yeah) because every time you run into an agent or publisher, you better be able to pitch on the spot. And also have your first ten pages in case they ask. And maybe a mock up. How freaking horrifying. Most of the people that you want to talk to are going to be going from one event to another. Maybe you’ll have time to walk with them in the hall, but likely their mind is going to be elsewhere. What’s more probable is that you’ll be chatting with people in the bar afterward and they’ll say, “So what are you working on?” which is when you get to say what your book is about in a conversational manner and not as if you are a robot spitting out a script. I literally drove myself crazy before my first conference creating a mock up, printing out pages just in case, and reciting pitches in the car on the drive. None of which was necessary. Pay attention to what they request at your formal pitch if you’re pitching, but those business cards are going to be your best bet. Make sure you get some in return.

Met these guys at lunch a year ago. We kept in touch and had lunch again this year. (And the bar.) And I got to watch a couple of them win awards at the dinner!

Sit with new people at lunch. Go to the bar. Although you may connect with a few people in the panels, most of the connections happen in the off times. If you’re by yourself, it’s an even better reason to go find people to sit next to. If you’re with friends, this makes it easier for you to welcome other people into your secure little bubble. (Keep your eyes up.) A lot of writers have a difficult time with shyness. A few good ice breaker questions to ask: Is this your first time at this conference? How are you liking it so far? What do you write about? How long have you been writing? Do you live around here or where did you come in from?

This is also the time to approach that panelist you especially wanted to meet. Some good questions in this instance: Hey, nice to meet you, I’m X, I saw your panel on Y and I really liked what you said about Z. Or, I had a question about W… you get the idea.

If you don’t drink, and are comfortable with it, go to the bar afterward anyway. People are a lot more relaxed after all the running around is done and a lot of fun conversations happen.

Manage your expectations, but have fun daydreaming. When I went to my first conference, I was so ready for that agent to fall in love with my stuff, demand the full immediately, and then I’d be on my way. It wasn’t ready. I had a lot of growing into my writing to do, BUT the daydreaming motivated me to get everything else together. And meeting with her was very enlightening. I got some great suggestions that I was inspired to act upon immediately. However, had I been pinning my entire experience on that meeting, it probably would have put a damper on my trip, so I’m glad that wasn’t the case.

Above all, go to the conferences, learn something from everything, meet people, have fun, buy books, get them signed, be inspired!